Painting Lately

I spent the day working on several paintings. I'm trying to put together a show for a local coffee shop. I'll upload some pictures soon.

Talking at the Coffee Shop

Right now I'm talking to Dave at the coffee shop and showing him how blogs work.

Long Time No Write

I finally finished the laborious semester of teaching and taking two on-line courses. They were difficult. Small Business Management and Intro. to Marketing each took hours a week of serious investment of my energy, but it was worth it, and I learned a lot. The semester was difficult as far as teaching went. Of course, I had some really great students, but I also had some pains. I guess that goes with the territory. I've been reading a very interesting book lately What God Wants by Neale Donald Walsh.

In one of my many favorite parts of the book Walsh writes, "You and love cannot be separated in any way, for love is what God is, and you are not separate from God, nor were you ever, nor will you ever be" (126).

Walsh scoffs at the threats of Hell; he writes "We have been told of a God whose justice is perfect. Yet why would a God who is vulnerable to nothing and cannot be hurt or damaged in any way need to punish anyone for anything, much less sentence them to torture?" (89)

Good question.

God's Online

I finally made it online, with help, so now I can access from home for the first time ever. Nevertheless, I am still limited as to how often I can make entries on my blog because I'm taking two summer courses and teaching one. So don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while. God has not abandoned her little ones.


Depak Chopra in his enlightening book How to Know God writes the following:


[R]eligions vary wildly on how to know God. Each has marked out a separate path whose steps are fixed--often rigidly fixed--in dogma. I have steered clear of dogma, knowing full well that Christians do not automatically accept an Eastern belief such as karma, just as Hindus and Buddhists do not accept a Western belief like Judgment Day. If there is one God, there still cannot be one path.


More importantly even than this, or to expound on the above, Chopra goes on to say in the same book, this:


What is the mark of someone who moves very quickly on the path? It may seem to be a paradox, but the more turbulent you are inside, the faster you are moving. Ferment is good. Not buying into your own story is good. Krishnamurti used to say that discontent was the flame of the seeker. Meher Baba, an Indian master aligned with Sufism, taught that the only prerequisite for waking up was total disillusionment.


And here's the kicker:


Why? Because the whole notion that you are a fixed entity is a great illusion, and the sooner you see how varied and complex you are, the sooner you will drop the masks of your ego.


According to the above, being deluded might be the shortest path to God (if so, I'm well on my way). In addition, Anonymous wants me to define what I mean by God. The very question reveals its naivety. To imagine that I or anyone can define God is presumptuous and off. God cannot be defined in a word or in a thousand words. God is reavealed in everything around us including the Chihuahua shit my dog left on the lawn this morning, but to say the shit encompasses the definition of God is, of course, wrong. I say to Anonymous, if you want to do so, you define God. I prefer not to. As an artist, I want to dwell in the mystery and complexity of it all.


In addition, I will give Anonymous a kind warning that to believe in God is not to be a Christian as Forgiven will quickly atest in order to save your soul. To be a Christian one must "accept Christ as your personal savior"--as a God who came to earth and was crucified to save you from your basic sinful nature. In some sects you must not only be "saved," you must be baptized in order to make it into the Kingdom of Heaven. So be careful, Anonymous. It's for your own good. You're risking ending up in Hell for all eternity, but the good news is you'll recognize me there.



At least this is so according to Forgiven who has flattered me to no end by equating me with Satan. If I can't be God, I'll settle for Satan--what an honor. My point for both of you, if you are able to hear it, is this:


God is more vast than we could ever imagine, and religion tries to place God into a box that I will forever be uncomfortable with. I want to free God from such narrow definitions, and in doing so, free myself.

I'm God

I deleted my scathing criticism of religion from yesterday. Not because I in any way disagree with it, but because I've learned over time, such negative responses are unhelpful to everyone--most especially me. Because I am God, and I create my life, I decided I mustn't show a lack of love toward my own creations, even the religious ones.

The difficulty in criticizing religion is that the religious (in particular, I mean the Conservative American Christian) just don't understand the criticism. These religious people define the world in very narrow terms, and because this is their confining world view, they seem very unable to understand an argument that reaches outside of that tiny view. In addition, they have a neurotic need to proselytize and save every soul--even if that means disrespecting and destroying the people who possess these souls in the process (as history reveals).

My life has never been easily defined. My experience has been very complicated and full of ambiguities and complexities. I'm very satisfied with that. Of course, it is very frustrating, difficult, and even despairing at times. But it is also beautiful, magical, joyful.

For me to know God is utmost--but I am God. My struggle is the human experience. A God in limited form, living on the human plane, in a human body, with all the limitations this creates is what is most difficult and most inspiring for an omnipotent being such as myself. Remembering my power, reclaiming it, learning to use it in this realm--that's the frustration and the excitement.

For me, this has nothing to do with religion although the great religious teachers--like Buddha, and Jesus among many others--taught us our miraculous powers by their example. But of course we misinterpreted their lessons and thought they were the only ones capable of such greatness. We separated them from ourselves. Somewhere in that Bible Jesus asks "Are we not all Gods?" For me, this is the ultimate freedom. Religion is control and imprisonment. Of course, to the religious my philosophy is blasphemy. But how can I blaspheme against Myself? I bless me.

Sun's Shining and I'm All Alone

This is a self portrait entitled "Separation II." Although I look somewhat sad in this painting--I painted it right after I moved out of J.D.'s house and into my apartment--I feel different about my relationship now. It's taken me a year--it's already been a year since I separated from J.D.--but I have finally decided for the first time in my life that--and this is a doozy--I don't need a relationship.

Not only do I not need a relationship, I don't want one. I just want to focus on myself, my own life, my dreams, my kids, and my pets. That's enough. I don't need a man in my life to complicate things. It's funny though that now that I have come to this decision--and it's a decision that is deeply internal and therefore real--men have been coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, and acting interested in me. Too bad though. I'm really not interested in a romantic relationship at this point, and I'm apt to stay that way for some time. This announcement isn't to anyone in particular. It's just to declare to the Universe that I finally have this figured out . . . and I'm happy. My birthday is next month, and the number is pretty high, and it's about time I realized this basic understanding of life--I'm just okay alone.

Red Trees

This is "Red Trees" a piece from my show. The theme of haunting trees was inspired by the desolate landscape of western Kansas during the time I was there taking care of my ailing mother. Those images in my mind are striking and haunting, so I try to grapple with those pictures through my work.

My good news is that I recently had my painting "Blood and Water, Variation" published along with my poem, "No One," in WSU's alumni magazine, The Shocker.

Also, I'm a new reader for Project For A New Mythology. The editor visited my Creative Writing class yesterday to encourage my quite talented students to submit.