I'm God

I deleted my scathing criticism of religion from yesterday. Not because I in any way disagree with it, but because I've learned over time, such negative responses are unhelpful to everyone--most especially me. Because I am God, and I create my life, I decided I mustn't show a lack of love toward my own creations, even the religious ones.

The difficulty in criticizing religion is that the religious (in particular, I mean the Conservative American Christian) just don't understand the criticism. These religious people define the world in very narrow terms, and because this is their confining world view, they seem very unable to understand an argument that reaches outside of that tiny view. In addition, they have a neurotic need to proselytize and save every soul--even if that means disrespecting and destroying the people who possess these souls in the process (as history reveals).

My life has never been easily defined. My experience has been very complicated and full of ambiguities and complexities. I'm very satisfied with that. Of course, it is very frustrating, difficult, and even despairing at times. But it is also beautiful, magical, joyful.

For me to know God is utmost--but I am God. My struggle is the human experience. A God in limited form, living on the human plane, in a human body, with all the limitations this creates is what is most difficult and most inspiring for an omnipotent being such as myself. Remembering my power, reclaiming it, learning to use it in this realm--that's the frustration and the excitement.

For me, this has nothing to do with religion although the great religious teachers--like Buddha, and Jesus among many others--taught us our miraculous powers by their example. But of course we misinterpreted their lessons and thought they were the only ones capable of such greatness. We separated them from ourselves. Somewhere in that Bible Jesus asks "Are we not all Gods?" For me, this is the ultimate freedom. Religion is control and imprisonment. Of course, to the religious my philosophy is blasphemy. But how can I blaspheme against Myself? I bless me.

Sun's Shining and I'm All Alone

This is a self portrait entitled "Separation II." Although I look somewhat sad in this painting--I painted it right after I moved out of J.D.'s house and into my apartment--I feel different about my relationship now. It's taken me a year--it's already been a year since I separated from J.D.--but I have finally decided for the first time in my life that--and this is a doozy--I don't need a relationship.

Not only do I not need a relationship, I don't want one. I just want to focus on myself, my own life, my dreams, my kids, and my pets. That's enough. I don't need a man in my life to complicate things. It's funny though that now that I have come to this decision--and it's a decision that is deeply internal and therefore real--men have been coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, and acting interested in me. Too bad though. I'm really not interested in a romantic relationship at this point, and I'm apt to stay that way for some time. This announcement isn't to anyone in particular. It's just to declare to the Universe that I finally have this figured out . . . and I'm happy. My birthday is next month, and the number is pretty high, and it's about time I realized this basic understanding of life--I'm just okay alone.